An Open Memo to Saint Martin
(of St. Martin)
In the Fields
Dear St. Martin:
Greetings from Brno! Brno is a city in the Czech Republic. The world has changed a lot since you tore off half of your cloak to give to that beggar. However, there is still a statue of you doing that in the big church in Bratislava, which is now in the Slovak Republic. All the countries have changed since Antiquity! Atheists may be a majority in the Czech Republic, but we haven't really forgotten you. And I hope that you haven't forgotten us. By which I mean that I'm counting on you to bring some real snow this year!
They say that you are supposed to bring the snow with you when you ride here on your white horse. It is supposed to happen on November 11. Well, it seems that you have forgotten to stop in Brno. It would be nice if you would bring more than snow: could you also bring a more respectable winter than last year's? I know that there was deep winter during the week or so when my family was visiting, but other than that I was unimpressed. If it's not too presumptuous (I'm sure you're pretty experienced in making snow by this time), I would suggest that, any time some snow actually falls, you should make it stay on the ground rather than just let it dance around in the air. There was a snowfall last week, but it melted within a day or two! (By the way, why did you let it snow too early? Were you just conducting preliminary tests? Did you forget to set your clock for daylight savings time? I'm including a picture.) I'm expecting the real thing pretty soon. Another good way to make the snow stay is to prevent rain from falling directly on the new snow—that will make it melt really fast.
My letter to Ježíšek last year kind of worked. I got a new sink anyway (you can see my new sink here if you have a connection to the Internet). So I hope that you also receive letters. Most Czechs just go out and taste new wine on your saint's day, and I would have too, except there was nothing to celebrate! I would've drunk a toast to you, but where was the snow?! While waiting for the snow, perhaps I'll settle for a little grog. If you plan on bringing the snow, just let me know ahead and I'll make some grog for you too!